Kim K's toilet trouble, one superstar's humiliating fumble... and the flash of flesh that nearly made me sick: KENNEDY's utterly brutal Met Gala review 89%
By Kennedy0%
5/5/2026, 12:26:57 PM
Topics: Met Gala, Celebrity Fashion
BS Summary: This article contains 13 faulty reasoning types, including Negativity Bias, Ad Hominem, and Hasty Generalization, with Biased Writer Voice as the most egregious example at 82.7% saturation with 890 hits. Analysis detected 2,540 faulty-reasoning hits from 1,076 analyzed words, generating a BS Score of 82.7% and a BS Rank of 89% (2,242 of 20,139 articles). This article is worse (more manipulative) than 88.90% of the article peer group.
Actress Blake Lively made a humiliating return to the public eye at the Met Gala on Monday night, just hours after settling her seemingly interminable (pointless?)
legal crusade against her former It Ends With Us co-star Justin Baldoni.
She probably should have stayed at home.
Here are the all hits, misses and pointy nipples (stayed tuned) of the 2026 Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute gala.
Sherbet nightmare
Donning a 2006 Versace gown retrofitted with a pastel chiffon train, Lively, sans husband, beamed at photographers while a team of young male valets ushered her overflowing fabrics down the green carpet.
When the train got tangled, she glared back at them like they had fumbled their lines.
We know the demons that lurk beneath those borrowed Lorraine Schwartz jewels and retread sequins, Blake.
No wonder Ryan Reynolds sat this one out...
Going stag
Lively wasn't the only queen without her prince.
Kylie Jenner lost her boyfriend for the night (Timothée Chalamet was about 30 blocks south cheering on his Knicks at Madison Square Garden), but don't worry, she found a pair of fake nipples, sewn right into the molded brown bodice of her Schiaparelli gown.
Plus, they stuck on a belly button to match.
Boop!
The dress code of the evening was 'Fashion is Art,' but it might as well have been 'Fashion is a Body Part.'
Eye-popping
Kardashian half-sister Kim got the nipple memo, too.
She showed up in an anatomically correct orange, plastic torso coffin with mammary adornments that could have been mistaken for weapons.
I hope her corset was outfitted with an internal catheter, because there's no way girlfriend was putting that thing back on after visiting the little girls' room.
Getting handsy
There were so many prosthetics at the gala that it looked like a lion tamer's convention.
K-pop star Lisa had a total of four arms, courtesy of fashion designer Robert Wun, who crafted her two extra limbs to hold up her veil.
Wun even made a faceless torso to adorn the dress of Tony-Award winning theater director, Jordan Roth.
He must've had a few extra phony hands, because they were all over Thai influencer Nichapat Suphap, who looked like she was fondled by the Silver Surfer.
Bursting bubbles
Olympic skier-model Eileen Gu was wearing a dress made of little bubbles that sprayed actual bubbles.
Isn't being a traitor to your country cute?
Sabrina Carpenter's stunt-dress, however, actually stuck the landing.
It was made from strips of film from her favorite movie, which is, of course, Sabrina.
She looked perky and chic, not phony and clumsy like Comrade Gu.
Lady in red
Recently divorced Nicole Kidman wore her heart on the outside of her stunning, long-sleeved red sequin Chanel gown.
It was one of the most successful revenge dresses since Princess Diana's 1994 Christina Stambolian worn to a London gala to stick it to then Prince Charles.
The gala's age limit was reportedly lowered to allow Nicole's eldest daughter Sunday Rose (17) to attend the event.
The one-two mom-daughter punch must have been a knockdown to Keith Urban.
Who wore it best?
But while red sequins suited one siren, they failed on another blowhorn.
Lena Dunham looked corpulent and sickly in her feathery red sausage casing, as she waddled up the gala stairs.
It's as though she's fattened herself on all the empty praise she's been gobbling up for her new memoir 'Famesick'.
I almost got sick seeing her beefy calves.
Losing face
Hapless Katy Perry tried to crib Kim K's Met Gala look from 2021 by covering her face in a metallic mirror.
Instead, it looked like wearing a salad bowl and calling it fashion.
Truth be told, if I had to kiss Justin Trudeau, I'd probably cover my face with whatever I could find.
But then she removed the mask to reveal that she was wearing fake metal teeth!
Ugh… put the bowl back on.
Child's play
The nepo babies were in full effect: Hailey Bieber wore a 24-carat gold breastplate from YSL (never forget that she's Baldwin); Lily-Rose Depp underwhelmed in baby blue Chanel (they can't all be Nicole Kidman); and Patrick Schwarzenegger was, unfortunately, channeling his inner gestapo in a leather storm trooper getup.
He should be careful.
Patrick's grandfather, Gustav Schwarzenegger, was an actual Nazi.
If he keeps this up the Democrats may nominate him for Senate in Maine.
Horror shows
Heidi Klum was a little early for Halloween outfitted as a Caryatid (one of the maidens holding up the Erechtheion temple at the Acropolis) and, while I love how she commits to the bit, it was weird, even by Met Gala standards.
Though I loved Sam Smith's ode to both Maleficent.
It was either that or he dressed up like the singing candle stick from Beauty and Beast.
He wore a black bedazzled top, oversized fur-lined cape top lined and a mermaid-style, bottom-hugging hem, with a matching feathered headpiece.
Hey, if you're going to go for… you better commit.
Snoozers
Margot Robbie inspired a collective 'meh!'
with her gold Chanel dress.
Cher donned some workmanlike Burberry and beamed in spite of losing her bid as a conservator for her troubled son Elijah Blue.
But the real shocker was Met Gala honorary chair (and sponsor, courtesy of sugar-daddy Jeff) Lauren Sanchez, who apparently attempted to class up her typically trashy look in a navy off-the-shoulder couture gown by Schiaparelli.
But, she just couldn't resist showing plenty of boob.
Give the girls a night off!
Dishonorable mentions
Speaking of garbage, I'm calling in a wellness check on Doja Cat.
Her silicon dress reassembled a mess of shiny beige trash bags hurriedly sewn together.
I'm worried she got tossed into a dumpster.
Actress Sarah Paulson wore a one dollar bill as a mask.
I'm sure Mayor Zohran Mamdani was waiting in a nearby bush to snatch it.
Serena Williams looked like a twice-baked potato in her shiny ensemble and sister Venus (another co-chair) barely moved the needle in her diamond dickie.
And finally, someone please tell models Irina Shayk (who is clearly still trying to get Tom Brady's attention) and Gigi Hadid that the sheer look is beyond played out.
Pro tip: white undies under a see-through dress looked dingy, not hot.
Oh, Met Gala, you didn't disappoint.
Here's to another year of celebrity indignities.
Speakers
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Analysis
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