The Mercury News22%
Miss Manners: Are pregnant women supposed to hide now? 47%
By Judith Martin56% Nicholas Ivor Martin56% Jacobina Martin56%
7/13/2026, 8:27:04 AM
Keywords: Miss Manners, Advice, Manners, Etiquette, Pregnant, Infertility, Insensitive, Baby Shower, Guest, Host, Reciprocate
BS Summary: This article contains 26 faulty reasoning types, including Hasty Generalization, Anecdotal, and False Dilemma, with Negativity Bias as the most egregious example at 39.8% saturation with 220 hits. Analysis detected 1,278 faulty-reasoning hits from 553 analyzed words, generating a BS Score of 48.3% and a BS Rank of 47% (11,780 of 21,887 articles). This article is better (less manipulative) than 53.80% of the article peer group.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
After several miscarriages, a friend is finally pregnant via IVF.
While the couple is thrilled, they often find themselves in the presence of others who are having trouble conceiving or who have given up.
Since they had their share of trouble, they certainly understand, but it’s as if their mere presence is now resented.
At a recent event, where they made no mention of the baby, two other guests having trouble conceiving actually said this couple shouldn’t have come “with her belly.”
My friend was even asked by family not to have a shower because of a relative who is having trouble getting pregnant.
Do pregnant women and mothers with babies now have to hide lest they be seen as insensitive just by existing?
GENTLE READER: This is one of the saddest letters Miss Manners has ever received.
Not because of the difficulties of conceiving, which is tragic enough, but because of what it says about our relationships to one another.
These are their friends, and they have been through the same struggles!
But instead of rejoicing with them, others are shunning them.
Is that how these people would want to be treated if they were eventually successful?
Must we consider life to be a zero-sum game, where one person’s happiness is a blight to others?
If the still-childless people cannot be happy that their friends were successful, can't they at least try to see it as hope that perseverance might be rewarded?
Comparing oneself with others leads to a miserable life.
One can always find someone who is richer, better looking or more successful.
You have only to go on social media to find countless examples of idealized lives that are driving teenagers, and probably others, to despair.
Miss Manners understands sensitivity.
She knows that there are times when people cannot cope with normal life going on around them.
That is why there used to be secluded mourning periods for the bereaved.
The solution is not to try to suppress normal life and begrudge others their good fortune.
The way to think of others is with empathy.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a good friend who had these lavish dinner parties in her perfect house.
I reciprocated often, but started to feel intimidated because we had to move to smaller places and are just not able to be fancy with parties anymore.
I think people who go all out giving perfect dinner parties intimidate friends who cannot do the same.
That’s why they don't reciprocate.
GENTLE READER: And that's the thanks they get for going to a lot of trouble to give you a splendid dinner?
You say this was a good friend, so presumably the main attraction at these dinner parties was enjoying her company, not competing over the format of the gathering.
What your friend deserves is evidence that you like being with her enough to initiate an occasional gathering.
Miss Manners assures you that not doing so plants the idea that while you are willing to dine out, you are not interested in more contact.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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Analysis
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